> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # How do I ask for donations instead of flowers? Donations, wording and trusted sharing - URL: https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/ask-for-donations-instead-of-flowers/ - Published: 2026-10-06T06:43:36.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-06T06:43:36.000Z - Description: A practical, compassionate guide to asking for donations instead of flowers, with wording examples, charity checks, funeral fundraising transparency and AU/UK/US differences. - Author: Evaheld Team - Tags: Funeral Donations & Fundraising To ask for donations instead of flowers, use one calm sentence that names the preferred charity, tribute fund or family support purpose, explains how donations will be used, and gives one trusted sharing link. Keep the wording brief, avoid pressure, verify the donation destination before publishing, and update the memorial if the link, fund purpose or funeral details change. Families usually ask this question at a difficult moment: there may be funeral costs to manage, friends asking how they can help, relatives overseas who need one reliable link, and a wish to honour the person in a way that feels more meaningful than flowers. The most respectful approach is to make the request clear enough that people are not confused, but gentle enough that no one feels judged for sending flowers, writing a card or doing nothing at all. A good donation request has four parts. First, it names the person being remembered. Secondly, it says whether donations should go to a registered charity, a tribute fund, a funeral fundraiser, a scholarship, a research cause, community project or family support fund. Thirdly, it explains the practical use of the money in plain language. Finally, it gives one verified link, QR code or payment route so supporters do not have to search online and risk landing on the wrong page. The safest wording is direct: “In lieu of flowers, the family would be grateful for donations to \[charity or fund\] in memory of \[Name\].” If the money will support funeral expenses or surviving relatives, say that openly. If it will go to a charity, use the charity’s official name and donation page. If it will support a broader memorial project, explain the project before asking people to contribute. ## ask for donations instead of flowers: practical guidance Donations instead of flowers are appropriate when the family wants support to flow towards a cause, practical need or lasting tribute rather than perishable arrangements. They are common after deaths linked to illness, advocacy, research, community service, animal welfare, education, environmental work, hardship, sudden loss or a known wish expressed by the person who died. They can also be appropriate when a venue cannot accept flowers, when interstate or overseas guests want a simpler way to participate, or when the family would prefer fewer physical deliveries at home. The request should never sound like criticism of flowers. Flowers can be deeply comforting in many cultures and households. The phrase “in lieu of flowers” works because it gives people an alternative without making a moral judgement. A warmer sentence is often better than a blunt instruction: “Your messages, memories and presence mean a great deal; for those who wish to make a gift, the family has chosen…” Before publishing a request, decide whether the donation is primarily charitable, practical or commemorative. Charitable gifts usually go directly to an organisation. Practical support helps with funeral expenses, medical bills, travel, household costs or children’s needs. Commemorative funds may support a bench, tree, scholarship, plaque, community garden, prize, arts programme or annual event. Each route needs different wording, different transparency and different expectations. If funeral costs are part of the reason, review realistic local cost information before setting a goal. Australian readers can use ASIC Moneysmart’s [funeral payment guidance](https://moneysmart.gov.au/manage-your-money-in-retirement/paying-for-your-funeral), which explains that funeral costs vary by choices such as burial, cremation and service style. In Australia, the ACCC’s [funeral services consumer guidance](https://www.accc.gov.au/consumers/specific-products-and-activities/funeral-services) also reminds families to ask for clear, itemised prices and to be alert to optional costs being presented as compulsory. For families already comparing ceremony costs, [funeral costs in Australia](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/average-funeral-cost-and-how-to-pay-for-it/) can help separate funeral invoices from memorial choices, while [funeral planning cost comparisons](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/funeral-planning-costs/) can make the donation purpose clearer before it is shared publicly. ## Choose the right type of donation request The wording depends on the destination. A charity donation request should name the registered charity and the reason it mattered. A tribute fund should explain whether it is an official charity fund, hospital fund, research fund or family-created memorial project. A funeral fundraiser should explain the immediate costs and who will receive the money. A family support fund should be especially transparent because contributors need to understand whether they are helping with funeral expenses, children’s needs, rent, travel, medical debts or future care. For charitable giving in Australia, the [ACNC Charity Register](https://www.acnc.gov.au/charity/charities) is the public place to check registered charities. UK readers can check the [Charity Commission](https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/charity-commission) for England and Wales. US readers can use the IRS [Tax Exempt Organisation Search](https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/tax-exempt-organization-search) to check an organisation’s tax-exempt status and filings. These checks matter because an obituary, funeral notice or memorial page can circulate widely, and one incorrect link can send well-intentioned gifts to the wrong place. Tax wording needs care. Do not promise that a donation is tax-deductible unless the receiving organisation and the donor’s situation support that. In the United States, IRS [Publication 526 on charitable contributions](https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p526.pdf) explains that deductible contributions must generally be made to qualified organisations and that recordkeeping matters. In the United Kingdom, GOV.UK’s [Gift Aid guidance](https://www.gov.uk/donating-to-charity/gift-aid) explains the UK tax relief mechanism for eligible charity donations. In Australia, deductible gift recipient status is a separate tax question, so families should point donors to the charity’s official giving page rather than giving tax advice themselves. If the donation is to a person, family or private fundraiser, say that it is support for the family, not a tax-deductible charity gift. That distinction protects trust. It also prevents awkward questions later if a donor expected a charity receipt. When in doubt, use simple wording: “This collection is family support and is not a registered charity appeal.” Evaheld Memorials has separate guidance on [adding donation links to memorials](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/adding-donation-links-to-memorials/), and families who are specifically worried about clarity can use [keep memorial donations transparent with wording and trusted sharing](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/keep-memorial-donations-transparent/) as a practical check before publishing. ## Donation wording examples families can adapt For a charity: “In lieu of flowers, the family welcomes donations to \[Charity Name\] in memory of \[Name\], honouring their lifelong care for \[cause\].” This works well when the person had a known connection to the cause and the donation link goes directly to the charity or an official tribute page. For a hospital, hospice or research cause: “In place of flowers, donations may be made to \[Organisation\] to support \[research, care or service\] in \[Name\]’s memory.” Avoid implying the organisation treated the person unless that is true and the family is comfortable sharing it. For funeral expenses: “If you would like to support the family, donations will help with funeral and memorial costs. Your kindness, messages and presence are deeply appreciated.” This is clear, but it should be paired with a realistic goal and updates if the need changes. For a scholarship or community project: “In memory of \[Name\], the family is establishing a fund to support \[students, community group, park, arts programme or local project\]. Donations will help create a lasting tribute connected to the values they lived by.” For a private family support fund: “Some friends have asked how to help practically. Donations will support \[specific family need\], and the family is grateful for every message, meal, visit and act of care.” This wording keeps the request humble and avoids making money the only recognised form of support. For an obituary or printed notice: “Flowers are welcome, or donations in memory of \[Name\] may be made to \[Charity/Fund\] via the family memorial page.” This gives people choice and avoids excluding relatives whose traditions include flowers. For an online memorial: “The memorial includes one verified donation link for those who wish to contribute. Please use that link rather than searching separately, so gifts reach the intended charity or fund.” This is useful when scammers, duplicate fundraisers or old links are a concern. For social sharing: “Thank you for the love shown to our family. For those asking how to help, we have added a verified donation link to \[Name\]’s memorial for \[purpose\]. Please share the memorial link rather than copying payment details into separate posts.” When the request appears beside service details, [funeral details on memorial pages](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/adding-funeral-details-to-memorial-pages/) can keep the time, venue, livestream and donation link together so people do not rely on screenshots or forwarded messages. ## How to make the donation link trustworthy Trust starts before the link is shared. Use the official charity page where possible. If using a fundraising platform, confirm fees, identity verification, withdrawal timing, who controls the account, refund rules, donor visibility, update tools and whether donors can leave messages. If money goes to a family bank account, keep records and consider naming one organiser and one backup reviewer so no one person carries the burden alone. The US Federal Trade Commission’s [charity scam advice](https://consumer.ftc.gov/features/donating-safely-and-avoiding-scams) recommends researching charities, avoiding pressure, watching for vague claims and keeping donation records. Those principles apply internationally even when the legal regulator differs. A memorial donation request should never rely on urgency alone. It should give people enough information to give calmly. For funeral purchases in the United States, the FTC’s [Funeral Rule information](https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/topics/truth-advertising/funeral-rule) explains rights around price lists and choosing only the goods and services wanted, which can help families avoid setting a fundraising goal around unclear or bundled costs. UK readers can compare support options through MoneyHelper’s [help paying for a funeral](https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/death-and-bereavement/help-paying-for-a-funeral), and eligible UK families may also need GOV.UK’s [Funeral Expenses Payment](https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments) information before deciding whether a public fundraiser is necessary. Keep the published donation destination stable. If you change the link, explain why. If the goal increases, explain what changed. If the goal is met, consider saying whether later gifts will go to the same purpose, another charity or family support. Silence can make donors uneasy even when the organiser is acting honestly. For private or sensitive situations, [private and public online memorials](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/private-vs-public-online-memorials/) can help the family decide whether donation details should be visible to everyone or shared only with invited relatives and friends. ## Where to share the request The best places to share a donation request are the places people already look for funeral and memorial information: the online memorial, obituary, funeral notice, service programme, email update, family message thread, livestream notes and, where appropriate, a QR code on printed materials. Avoid scattering different links across many posts. One central memorial link is easier to correct if details change. If relatives are helping, give them an exact paragraph to copy. That prevents accidental changes such as a wrong charity name, an incomplete payment link or a different explanation of the fund. It also reduces the emotional labour of answering the same question repeatedly. For larger families, [how to invite relatives to help build the page](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/can-i-invite-family-and-friends-to-help-build-the-memorial) can make review and contribution responsibilities clearer. Some families prefer to share the donation request only after close relatives have been told personally. That is wise when the death is sudden, contested, private or still being communicated. Others include the request in the first funeral notice because friends are already asking how to help. Either approach can be respectful if the timing protects those closest to the person who died. A memorial page can also hold messages from supporters, which prevents the donation request from feeling purely financial. [tributes and condolences](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/can-people-leave-tributes-and-condolences-on-a-memorial) give people a way to contribute emotionally even if they cannot give money. ## Privacy, consent and family agreement Before publishing, ask: has the immediate family agreed to this request, does the wording reveal sensitive medical or financial information, and could the person who died have objected to this cause or public appeal? If there is disagreement, use narrower wording or delay the request until the family has settled the purpose. No donation link is worth creating conflict at the centre of the loss. Do not disclose private diagnosis, debt, family conflict, insurance gaps or children’s circumstances unless the family has deliberately approved that wording. It is usually enough to say “funeral and family support costs” or “a cause close to their heart”. People who need more detail can ask privately. For public figures, charities and tribute funds can become part of a broader public memory. The public response to lives such as [Steve Irwin](https://evaheldmemorials.com/m/steve-irwin), [Desmond Tutu](https://evaheldmemorials.com/m/desmond-tutu) and [Aretha Franklin](https://evaheldmemorials.com/m/aretha-franklin) shows how remembrance often extends beyond flowers into causes, community work and shared storytelling. For private families, the same principle applies on a smaller scale: the donation should reflect the person’s values, not the organiser’s desire to make a public statement. If you are using an online memorial, decide whether the donation link should be visible immediately, held privately until the funeral details are final, or removed after a certain date. [keeping a memorial private until you are ready to share](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/will-my-memorial-stay-private-until-i-am-ready-to-share) is especially useful when the family wants to review wording and links before wider circulation. ## How much detail to include Include enough detail for trust, not so much that the memorial becomes an account ledger. For a charity, the name, purpose and official link are usually enough. For funeral expenses, include the broad categories: funeral director, cremation or burial, service costs, travel, memorial gathering or family support. For a family support fund, say who the fund supports and the general purpose, then provide updates after major milestones. Use a specific but compassionate title. “In memory of \[Name\]” is often enough for charity gifts. “Support for \[Name\]’s funeral and family” is clear for practical help. “A scholarship fund in \[Name\]’s memory” works when education is the purpose. Avoid titles that overpromise, guilt people or make the person’s death sound like a campaign slogan. People may ask how much to give. Do not specify an amount unless a platform requires suggested tiers. A better phrase is “any contribution, message or act of support is appreciated.” This respects people with limited means and keeps the request open to non-financial care. Families should also decide who will answer donor questions, who can edit the page, and how long the donation request will remain visible. A simple internal note can record the chosen charity name, official link, account owner, intended use of funds, update schedule and review contact. That small discipline prevents confusion when several relatives are sharing the same notice. ## Updates after donations begin Updates protect trust. A short update might say that donations have been sent to the named charity, that funeral invoices have been paid, that remaining funds will support children’s education, or that the memorial project has reached its first step. Do not publish donor names unless they have chosen to be public. When the goal changes, update the memorial before resharing. If funeral costs are lower than expected, explain the new use of surplus funds. If costs rise, explain the reason without blaming relatives, providers or donors. If a charity link expires, replace it with the official current link and note the change. For moderated sharing, [how to moderate online memorial comments well](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/how-to-moderate-online-memorial-comments/) can help families keep condolence messages, donation updates and public replies respectful during an emotionally exposed time. ## Common mistakes to avoid Avoid posting several payment methods in different places. Avoid publishing private bank details in a public social media thread. Avoid using vague phrases such as “help the family” when the money has a specific purpose. Avoid saying donations are tax-deductible if they are not. Avoid copying a charity logo or celebrity image in a way that implies endorsement. Avoid leaving an old donation link online after the fund closes. Another common mistake is setting a fundraising goal without first checking funeral quotes, government assistance, estate access, insurance, prepaid arrangements or family contributions. In the UK, GOV.UK’s [after a death guidance](https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death) sets out administrative steps that may affect timing and available support. For general charity giving beyond AU, UK and US contexts, the Canada Revenue Agency’s [donor information for registered charities](https://www.canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/charities-giving/giving-charity-information-donors.html) is a useful example of how governments encourage donors to check qualified organisations before giving. The final mistake is making the request the whole memorial. A donation link should sit within a fuller tribute: name, dates, story, photographs, service details, messages, memories and the cause or practical support path. That balance reminds guests that they are honouring a person, not responding to a transaction. If you want one calm place for wording, donation details, service updates and family contributions, [ask for donations instead of flowers](https://evaheldmemorials.com/) through an Evaheld Memorials page that can be reviewed before sharing. [![ask for donations instead of flowers: Family reviewing donation wording together](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/content/images/2026/10/ask-for-donations-instead-of-flowers-1.webp)](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/can-i-invite-family-and-friends-to-help-build-the-memorial) [![Verified memorial donation link on a phone](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/content/images/2026/10/ask-for-donations-instead-of-flowers-2.webp)](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/adding-donation-links-to-memorials/) [![Private memorial sharing settings with flowers](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/content/images/2026/10/ask-for-donations-instead-of-flowers-3.webp)](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/will-my-memorial-stay-private-until-i-am-ready-to-share) ## FAQs ### How do I ask for donations instead of flowers? Donations, wording and trusted sharing Use one gentle sentence that names the cause or fund, explains the purpose and shares one verified link. Pair the request with [adding donation links to memorials](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/adding-donation-links-to-memorials/), and check the destination against a trusted register such as the [ACNC Charity Register](https://www.acnc.gov.au/charity/charities) before publishing. ### What is the best wording for in lieu of flowers? A simple option is: “In lieu of flowers, the family would be grateful for donations to \[Charity/Fund\] in memory of \[Name\].” If costs are involved, [funeral costs in Australia](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/average-funeral-cost-and-how-to-pay-for-it/) can help frame the need, while Moneysmart’s [funeral payment guidance](https://moneysmart.gov.au/manage-your-money-in-retirement/paying-for-your-funeral) explains why costs vary. ### Can we ask for funeral expense donations without sounding rude? Yes. Thank people first, explain the practical purpose and make giving optional. A memorial page with [funeral details on memorial pages](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/adding-funeral-details-to-memorial-pages/) can keep the request in context, and the ACCC’s [funeral services consumer guidance](https://www.accc.gov.au/consumers/specific-products-and-activities/funeral-services) supports asking for clear costs before setting a goal. ### Should donations go to a charity or the family? Choose the destination that matches the need: a charity for a cause, a fund for a tribute project, or family support for practical costs. Use [keep memorial donations transparent with wording and trusted sharing](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/keep-memorial-donations-transparent/), and remember that IRS [Publication 526 on charitable contributions](https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p526.pdf) distinguishes qualified charitable gifts from private support. ### How do we make sure the donation link is safe? Use the official charity or platform link, test it on a phone and avoid sharing bank details publicly. Pair the link with [private and public online memorials](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/private-vs-public-online-memorials/), and follow the FTC’s [charity scam advice](https://consumer.ftc.gov/features/donating-safely-and-avoiding-scams) about research, payment safety and records. ### Can people still send flowers if we ask for donations? Yes. You can say “Flowers are welcome, or donations may be made…” if you want to honour both choices. A page that also allows [tributes and condolences](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/can-people-leave-tributes-and-condolences-on-a-memorial) gives non-donors another way to participate, while GOV.UK’s [after a death guidance](https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death) shows how many practical steps may sit alongside the farewell. ### Are memorial donations tax-deductible? Sometimes, but only when the donation and donor circumstances meet the relevant rules. Use [funeral planning cost comparisons](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/funeral-planning-costs/) to separate private costs from charitable giving, and check UK charity gifts against GOV.UK’s [Gift Aid guidance](https://www.gov.uk/donating-to-charity/gift-aid) before suggesting tax treatment. ### Who should manage the memorial donation request? One trusted organiser should publish the link, with at least one close relative reviewing wording and updates. [how to invite relatives to help build the page](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/can-i-invite-family-and-friends-to-help-build-the-memorial) can reduce the load, and US families can check charity status through the IRS [Tax Exempt Organisation Search](https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/tax-exempt-organization-search). ### How often should we update donors? Update when the link changes, the goal is reached, funds are sent, or the purpose changes. [how to moderate online memorial comments well](https://evaheldmemorials.com/blog/how-to-moderate-online-memorial-comments/) can help keep updates respectful, and MoneyHelper’s [help paying for a funeral](https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/death-and-bereavement/help-paying-for-a-funeral) is useful when UK families are still checking support options. ### Can we keep the donation request private at first? Yes. Many families draft the wording privately, share it with close relatives first and publish it only when the details are settled. [keeping a memorial private until you are ready to share](https://evaheldmemorials.com/faq/will-my-memorial-stay-private-until-i-am-ready-to-share) supports that approach, and GOV.UK’s [Funeral Expenses Payment](https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments) information may also affect whether a public request is needed.